


Californication: The Assorted Stories Of Rachel Bighead

by FLUDDCappy (SansTheBee)



Category: Rocko's Modern Life
Genre: 90s cartoon, Canon Trans Character, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, F/F, F/M, Feminist Themes, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Nicktoons - Freeform, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, nickelodeon, one shots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23540143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SansTheBee/pseuds/FLUDDCappy
Summary: A series of one shots of various length, mainly focusing on Rachel Bighead throughout different periods in her life, as well as those around her.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

Hello! This is a fanfiction that has been a few years in the making. I started this about late 2017 when Rocko's Modern Life was my current special interest\hyperfixation, and kind of took a break from it as I ended up getting obsessed with Phineas and Ferb.

After a long break I decided to come back to it. (I am in self isolation while writing this and I needed something to distract me.) This story, since its inception, has always focused on Rachel Bighead, since she's my favorite character, and I feel like I can relate heavily to her. However the first "draft" of this story was written after Static Cling was announced, but before it was out or we had many details about it.

Due to Rachel's amazing story in the film, I knew I'd have to come back and rework some parts of the story.

Some parts just included changing Rachel's name and pronouns in the narration bits of the story, but some things were a bit more complex.

I thought it would be interesting to write Rachel knowing in the 90s that she was a girl (or in the process of exploring her gender identity at that point).

Reminder that a good first chunk of the story was written in 2017. I have tried to go through several times to change any instances of _he, him, and his_ into _she, her, and hers_ in the narration. However every time I read through it again, I seem to stumble upon ones I missed. If there are any I've missed, I apologize. If I see anymore errors in any possible future edits, revisions, or repostings I will fix them.

Also this story takes place in a universe where Rocko and his friends never left earth, (Meaning _Future Shlock_ and most of _Static Cling_ never happened) and everyone is kind of a huge, found family in a way. So that means Rocko, Filburt, and Heffer lived through the decades as they changed along with everyone else. (Can you imagine Rocko being terrified of Y2K with the rest of O-Town? Or changing from dial up to a modern modem? "You mean and I can be online _and_ on the phone at the same time!?") This is just the way I prefer to write the story, which means quite a few things from _Static Cling_ change as well. I just like the idea of these characters growing and changing through the years with the world around them.

I'm disregarding the modern comics storylines in this story, although I do like how it portrayed Rocko in the modern world (In a timeshift sense, as it seems Rocko and his friends are most likely millennials in the comic, and the main series probably happened in the mid 2000s instead of the 90s. That's what seems to be implied to me at least. I guess that's more fitting with _Rocko's_ _ **Modern**_ _Life._ Other remakes do the same thing, like each Scooby Doo remake sets the gang in modern times and that's perfectly fine. I'm just trying to explain this the best I can, even if it did come off rambly.)

I also wanted to write more Rachel into the show's universe, given she only has two episodes about her ( _I Have No Son_ and _Wacky Delly_ ), a minor cameo in the Christmas special, and a background appearance in _Driving Mrs Wolfe_. Given she recoiled with her parents and gets along okay with Rocko, I'm surprised she didn't show up in any other episodes. Also she's my favorite character (And _Wacky Delly_ is my favorite episode) so I'm biased.

I am currently working on other projects which are listed at my tumblr: FLUDDCappy

(My Rachel Bighead centric tumblr however is Rachel-Bighead.)

Here's an example of two of the projects I'm working on. The first one sort of releates, being in the same Nickelodeon like relm. I'm looking for a piece of lost media called _Cecile and Her Very Own Universe_ which aired on Noggin in 2001 during _The URL with Phred Show_. If you were curious, I even made a guide with the already gathered information and some ideas (One of the pages on my FLUDDCappy Tumblr). I emailed the company Fablevision who informed me that they don't have a copy of the short and that Noggin (Thus Viacom) is the rights owner. The main gist is to show Nickelodeon we want it re released (Like what was done with _Astrology with Squidward._ And _Crybaby Lane_ ) with the hashtag #FindCecileAndHerVeryOwnUniverse and tag Nickelodeon to get them to notice.

One more example of what I'm working on is a petition to give Forgotten Disney more love (which means merchandise and getting acknowledged by Disney) That is also on my Tumblr. This is also kind of connected by a thin, Nickelodeon slime colored thread because it includes _Disney's Brandspanking New Doug,_ (Or just simply, _Disney's Doug)_ as well as _Doug's First Movie._ Similar to the _Cecile and Her Very Own Universe_ campaign, it's about showing the company our interest in it. Once we get enough signatures we will do a mass email campaign sending the petition to Disney.

Sorry for this super long author's note,I just had a lot to say, but I hope you enjoy the story!

**Californication: The Assorted Stories Of Rachel Bighead**

**Scar Tissue That I Wish You Saw**

Trigger Warning: Racism, discrimination, Panic and Anxiety Attacks, Bullying, Self Harm, Ableism, Accidental misgendering,In the closet Trans character, Parental Drama

**1994**

Rocko felt his breath hitch slightly as he watched the newest episode of _The Fatheads,_ in the Bighead's living room. He felt cold and shaky as the room spinned.

He gripped the couch tightly and whimpered as Rollo "graced" the small screen, while everyone else was laughing loudly,

"That episode was great!" Filburt said. He looked over at Rocko. "Wasn't it Rocko?"

"I...I need to go feed Spunky." Rocko said, getting off the couch and leaving quickly.

FIlburt, Bev, and Ed all looked at each other in confusion before shrugging it off.

* * *

"Oh Spunky it was horrible!" Rocko sighed, holding the dog close to his chest. He stimmed by petting his fur gently. Spunky whimpered and gave him a small lick on the cheek. "I haven't been hurt this bad since...since Dingo…"

Spunky snarled slightly before nuzzling gently under Rocko's chin. He pulled Spunky closer and sniffled. "Thanks Spunky."

The phone rang startling Rocko out of his dissociation. He picked up the receiver but couldn't answer for a second. He cleared his throat before attempting a greeting. "H...hello?"

"Hey Rocko!" Heffer greeted excitedly. "Did ya see the new _Fatheads_ episode?"

"I uh..um I.." _He probably thought Rollo was hilarious just like everyone else. He's gonna think I'm overreacting_. _Maybe I am….Am I?_

"N..no.." Rocko managed to say, feeling his palm stick against the receiver with sweat.

"Oh well it was weird. They introduced this new character and.."

"No, no no s..stop!" Rocko whined.

"What's wrong Rocko?" Heffer asked, sounding slightly worried.

"I uh..I.." Rocko put the receiver on his shoulder and pressed it against his ear, allowing him to fidget with his hands as he talked. "I…. I just don't want to know what happens in the episode, that's all. I was actually just about to check the tv guide for reruns." He let out a nervous laugh.

"Oh uh okay. Tell me when you see it okay?"

"O..okay Heffer. Bye" He was about to hang up.

"Wait, Rocko?"

"Y..yeah?"

"You wanna go to Chokey Chicken?" Heffer asked. "I'm hungry."

Rocko thought at first of saying no, of just curling up in bed the rest of the day in a depressed heap and crying. _No. Going out would be a good distraction, and that's what I need right now, a distraction._ "S...sure Heff, I'd love to."

"Great! Uh..Can you pick me up?" Heffer asked.

Rocko sighed a bit. "Sure Heff, I'll be right there."

 _Ugh! The last thing I need to hear is 'Let's eat the beaver!', but I still need a distraction._ He breathed, trying to calm himself as he left the house.

Rocko went to his car and started it up. The motor sputtered as it pathetically tried to start.

"Come on, come on." Rocko groaned. "Start!"

The car started and Rocko exhaled in relief. "Finally!"

As he pulled out of the driveway he caught sight of the Bighead's house in his rearview mirror. A car pulled up to their house and stopped. Out of the car came Rachel Bighead.

Their eyes met for a second. Rachel smiled her usual sarcastic looking smirk and gave a small wave. Rocko squeaked and sped off.

 _What's he doing there? Well I..I mean I do know why, but..but..._ _**why!?** _ _And why was he looking at me like… like that? Did he_ _**want** _ _me to be hurt? He must have! Why would he come by right after the episode aired? Why would he wave at me? … I mean maybe to say hi but … that can't be it … can it? Ugh!_

Lost in his own thought, Rocko was surprised how short the drive actually was to Heffer's house. He tried to calm himself and gripped on tightly to the steering wheel. If the sound of honking didn't give him such bad sensory issues, Rocko would've just done that instead of leaving the comfort of his car.

He exhaled sharply before getting out of the car and to the front door. He knocked, hoping Heffer's grandfather wouldn't be the one to answer.

To his relief it was Heffer's mother, Virginia. "Oh hello dear!"

"H..hello." Rocko gulped. "Is uh..is Heffer here?"

"Oh yes!" She leaned back inside the house. "Heffer! Your friend Socko's here!"

"I'll be right there!" Heffer called from upstairs.

Rocko stood there awkwardly with Virginia, anxiously kicking his foot a bit. _Come on Heff, where are you? I want to go! I need to be distracted!_

"So how are you doing, dear?" Virginia asked, trying to make conversation.

"I uh...I...I'm...fine.." Rocko said awkwardly.

"Did you watch the new episode of that silly little cartoon Heffer likes so much?" She asked.

Rocko's eyes widened as he let out a small squeak. "N...no...I...I actually uh...missed that one…"

Just then, Heffer came down the stairs. "Hey Rocko! You ready to go?"

"Yes, come on, let's go." Rocko said hurriedly, nearly pushing Heffer out to the car.

"Whoa you must be hungry." Heffer laughed.

"Yeah um..I'm...I'm starving. Lets go!" Rocko urged.

Heffer headed to the passenger side, but Rocko hopped in instead.

Heffer paused. "Uh..did you want me to drive?"

"No I'm driving."

Heffer was silent for a moment before Rocko realized why. He blushed in embarrassment and scooted over to the other seat. He'd made this mistake a few times right after he immigrated to The United States, but it had only lasted the first two months. _Ugh! I must be really out of it today!_

"Oh uh sorry about that Heff, I uh forgot where I was for a second there." Rocko laughed nervously. _I might as well be in Australia and Ralph may as well be Dingo._ He started up his car again and drove to Chokey Chicken.

He turned on the radio to avoid awkward silence.

 **The new episode of** _**The Fatheads** _ **was brilliant! A true masterpiece!**

Rocko panicked and switched the station.

 _**The Fatheads** _ **is getting better each episode!**

Switch.

 **You'll** _ **Rollo-ver**_ **for the newest** _ **Fatheads**_ **episode!**

Rocko turned off the radio. He was relieved when they made it to Chokey Chicken.

As they entered the restaurant Rocko looked around anxiously. _They probably all saw the episode. They're all judging me!_

He looked at all of them chatting away and laughing. He shivered as he headed to the counter with Heffer. He disassociated again while Heffer ordered his meal.

_They're all judging me! Why didn't I move to Canada? Then I wouldn't have had to deal with this! I wouldn't know Ralph's parents, I wouldn't have gotten involved in this! Ugh!_

He looked at Heffer who was still ordering his food. _But then I wouldn't have met Heffer or Filburt._

He did his most common stim by raising his hands slightly and playing with them. _Why did I even get involved? Why did I even have to ask the Bigheads about Ralph?!_

"Rocko?" Heffer nudged his am slightly, getting his attention.

Rocko yelped in surprise. "Y..yes Heff?"

"You gonna order something or not?"

As Rocko looked up at the menu his stomach churned even more. The thought of adding greasy food to his already hurting gut hurt more. "Um...Just a cup of water?"

"That'll be $32.95." The cashier said.

"For a cup of water?"

"No." The cashier said flatly. "For the whole order."

"O..oh right." He'd forgotten Heffer was there too. He paid for the meal. Usually he'd be upset for having to pay so much for Heffer, but at this point he felt too numb to worry about that.

They slid into a booth, sitting across from each other. Heffer started eating while Rocko bobbed ice cubes up and down with his finger, and looked around idly.

He look at the next booth and saw a family consisting of a dog, her common law wife a hedgehog, and their daughter a beaver with crutches. The hedgehog was reading a braille menu, her finger rubbing against it, stopping occasionally to allow her wife to use sign language in her hands.

The beaver sat between her moms, giggling as she colored in the _Chokey Chicken_ kids menu with the four crayons provided.

Rocko smiled a bit at her innocence, missing the moments he had that same feeling in his childhood. Moments without Dingo…..

_I'll get you someday shrimpo!_

_Here comes that disgusting neighbor of ours, Rollo!_

They sounded practically the same in his head now, to the point for a moment he couldn't tell them apart.

"Are you sure you're okay Rocko?" Heffer asked, frowning a bit.

"Y..yeah I'm fine." Rocko sighed. He tried to change the subject. _What can I talk about? Hmm the news..I heard something on the news didn't I? Oh right, I remember now!_ "Uh, hey, did you hear they were thinking of renaming this place?"

Heffer swallowed the piece of chicken in his mouth before replying in concern. "Really? To what?"

"Chewy Chicken."

Heffer frowned. "That's dumb."

"Y..yeah it really is." Rocko said, gripping his cup tightly. The condensation trickled onto his fingers, making them cold. He cleared his throat harshly and took a sip. The ice cubes hit his teeth, sending a chill through his spine.

While Heffer ate more, Rocko glanced over at the booth in front of them again. The beaver was flying one of the crayons around in the air, making airplane sounds. Rocko smiled softly but then a thought hit him. _How would she feel about the episode?_

* * *

As Rachel pulled into her parents driveway she made eye contact with Rocko who was just leaving his house. When they made eye contact Rachel smiled and greeted him with a small wave.

Rocko drove off without waving back.

Rachel frowned. _Huh. I guess he didn't see me._

She shrugged it off and headed to the front door. She knocked and the door opened shortly after. Bev smiled widely and hugged her tightly. "Ralphy!"

"Hey mom." Rachel smiled as she returned the hug.

"How are you?" She asked.

"I'm good." Rachel smiled as she snuggled closer. "Did you see the new episode?"

"Oh of course we did Ralphy!" Bev cooed. "It was great dear!"

Rachel smiled a bit more. "I'm glad you liked it." She paused for a second. "Did.. did dad like it?"

"He loved it sweetheart!" Bev eassured, pulling her into a tighter hug. "We all did!"

"Who do you mean by 'we'?" Rachel asked.

"Me, your father, that turtle, and Rocko."

"Oh okay, sounds about right." Rachel said. _Maybe he just didn't see me wave then. Right that's it._

* * *

"Man that was a great meal!" Heffer said as he and Rocko left the restaurant.

"Yeah...it...it sure was…" Rocko said. _Now he's gonna head home and I'll be all alone...with my thoughts! Unless…_ "Hey Heff? You uh, wanna come over and watch some TV?"

Heffer smiled widely. "Sure buddy, I've love to!"

"Great!" Rocko said, opening the door of the car. "And if we get hungry again later I've got plenty of sna-"

"Uh Rocko?"

"Yeah?"

"Wrong side."

Rocko noticed he was at the passenger side again and groaned before going over to the correct side. "Sorry Heff, I'm...kinda out of it today."

* * *

Rocko pulled his car into his driveway and breathed a sigh of relief to himself. _Here we are on the homestretch. Now I just need to get inside before..._

"Hey Rocko." A familiar voice said,

_**Before Ralph sees me!** _

"Oh um uh...h...hello there...R..Ralph.." Rocko forced himself to say.

"I got here an hour ago. I waved at you, but I don't think you saw." Rachel said.

"Uh r..right I uh d-didn't see you I..I'm s..sorry." Rocko stumbled over his words.

Rachel frowned and was about to ask what was wrong before Heffer spoke up instead. "Wait a minute...Who are you?"

"H..he's R..Ralph Bighead.."

Heffer's eyes lit up. " _The_ Ralph Bighead! The creator of _The Fatheads_!?"

"Yes." Rachel replied.

"What are you doing here!?" He continued excitedly.

Rachel's eyes wandered over to her parent's house. "Oh gee yeah, I have no idea why I'm here…"

"H..h..he's Mr and M..Mrs Bighead's s..son." Rocko explained shakily.

"You are? Wow I never would have guessed!" Heffer said genuinely.

Rachel stared at him for a second in disbelief before rolling her eyes and deciding to move on. "So yeah, I'm staying with my parents tonight and heading back to Hollo-Wood tomorrow morning, so I thought I'd come say hi."

"Wait, you two know each other?" Heffer asked.

"Y..yeah it's uh kind of a..a long story." Rocko said. "I..I'll tell you about it later…B..bye Ralph."

"Bye Rocko." _I mean he seems fine, he's talking to me. Yeah, he probably just didn't see me earlier._

* * *

Two days later Rachel went back to the studio to work on the new episodes of _The Fatheads._ She was halfway to her office when she was stopped by an executive.

Rachel sighed, expecting some kind of criticism on the new episode. "What?"

"The new episode was a hit!" The executive proclaimed. "Viewers loved Rollo! We want more of him!"

Rachel usually hated when the executives hindered her control of the show in any way. Not just from an artistic standpoint, but also as someone with Autism. She'd wanted to go to the Special Ed classes in school, but her father wouldn't allow it. ("No son of mine is going to be an academic outcast!") She hated him for that. Even now after they had reconciled, she could never forget it.

After that she started using art as an outlet for her emotions, and now, like her doodles on homework before, _The Fatheads_ was her new outlet. And the thought of someone tampering with her emotional outlet angered her.

But…..

She did want to do more with Rollo.

She felt as if Rollo was an outlet for all the times she'd personally felt stupid, felt like she failed. All the times she felt her ideas were huge flops. But also the lingering optimism still in her heart regardless. She'd seen that optimism and strive in Rocko who didn't give up in trying to reunite her with her parents, something she'd always be grateful for.

Rollo was for both of them.

A gift and an outlet.

And she wanted more of it.

Rachel smiled. "Of course. I'd love to add more Rollo."

* * *

Rocko, Heffer, and Filburt headed to The Bighead's house for the newest episode.

_Maybe it will be okay...Maybe Rollo was a one time thing...He probably won't even show up this time!_

Rocko knocked on the door and Bev opened the door. "Hello! Come in, come in! It's starting soon!"

"Th...thank you." Rocko said, still a bit anxious. The three shuffled in and sat on the couch, Rocko between Heffer and Filburt, while Ed sat on the end. Bev stood behind the couch, leaning onto the back.

Rocko's palms started sweating as the episode started. _Don't think about Rollo...Don't think about Rollo...He was a one time thing….It's okay, it's okay…._

The title card showed up and Rocko gulped. _It's okay...It's okay...I need to distract myself...Kick your feet...kick your feet…._

He kicked his feet back and forth. He'd done it since his childhood to calm himself, especially after encounters with Dingo.

The episode started just as any other episode would with The Fatheads arguing.

" _Are you listening to me!?" Mrs Fathead screeched._

" _No!" Mr Fathead screeched back._

" _Are you listening to me!?" Mrs Fathead screeched again._

" _No!"_

Everyone laughed at this, even Rocko. _I had nothing to worry about! It's fine there's no reason to wor.._

_There was a knock on the door. Mr Fathead went over and opened it._

" _Ello mate!" Rollo greeted from the other side of the door frame._

_Mr Fathead scowled and slammed the door shut. "No solicitors!"_

_As the door shut Rollo's head burst through it._

This time everyone except Rocko and Heffer laughed. Rocko looked at Heffer who was more confused than anything. "I still don't get it."

"It's making fun of me…" Rocko whispered to him, his voice shaky.

"Ooooooh." Heffer paused for a moment before bursting out laughing.

Rocko frowned and hugged his knees anxiously, rocking himself back and forth. _Calm down...calm down...It's okay...it's okay…_

He looked back at the screen to see Rollo banging his head against the wall. " _Crikey! This is a fun game mate!"_

"I..I gotta go!" Rocko whimpered, getting off the couch.

Bev and Filburt looked worried.

"Rocko…"Bev said, frowning.

Rocko only whimpered and left faster, slamming the door behind him.

"What's his problem?" Ed grumbled.

"I'll go check on him." Filburt said. He looked next to him. "Heffer?"

"What?" Heffer sounded annoyed that he was being interrupted.

Filburt sighed. "Nevermind."

* * *

Rocko laid on his side on the couch, shaking heavily. Spunky joined him and nuzzled up against him.

Rocko pulled him into a tight hug and stroked his fur. "Oh Spunky...I didn't think he'd do it again."

Spunky whimpered and licked his cheek. There was a knock on the door, causing Rocko's ears to perk up. He sat up, setting Spunky in his lap. "Who...who is it?"

"It's me."

"Oh, Filburt!...C..come in."

The door opened and there stood Filburt, frowning. "Hey, are you okay Rocko?"

Rocko sighed. "N..no."

Filburt went over to the couch and sat beside Rocko. "What's wrong?"

"It's just Rollo…" Rocko sighed. "I..I..He just makes me really uncomfortable."

"Oh..Why?" Filburt asked.

"Because he's supposed to be me!" Rocko cried. "It hurts!"

"Rocko…" Filburt pulled Rocko into a tight hug

The door opened and Heffer came in. "Hey Rocko, why'd ya bail out early?"

Rocko sniffled. "Because of Rollo."

"Why? He's hilarious!"

Rocko whined loudly and hugged Filburt closer. "He..he's making fun of me and I don't like it!"

"Why don't you just get over it? " Heffer asked.

Rocko tensed up more and whined.

"Heffer!" Filburt yelled.

"What? Rollo's great!" Heffer protested.

"N..no he's not! He hurts my feelings!" Rocko cried. Filburt stroked his back gently in comfort, still glaring at Heffer.

"You guys are overreacting." Heffer said, rolling his eyes.

Filburt gentled his expression and looked at Rocko. "Why don't you tell Ralph?"

"N..no..Maybe Heffer's right...Maybe I _am_ overreacting…' Rocko sniffled.

"Of course I'm right." Heffer said, elbowing Rocko lightly. "If you don't like it, just don't watch it."

"R...right." Rocko said, his stomach still churning. "I just...shouldn't...watch it.."

* * *

Rocko browsed the aisles of the store, pushing his cart. He stopped by a shelf, reaching for a can of peas.

He looked over and saw the family from _Chokey Chicken_ the other day. The beaver daughter held onto her crutches, helping her moms pick out groceries. Her mom signed a question and she excitedly tilted her fist back and forth.

Rocko smiled to himself. He'd always had a soft spot for kids. Mainly because his own childhood had mostly been hell due to Dingo.

A group of kids passed by and started giggling loudly. The beaver frowned as she looked over at them.

"Ello mate!" One of them teased as the others giggled loudly.

The beaver frowned. Rocko gripped his cart tightly and booked it out of the aisle to get away from them.

Rocko was breathing heavily as he rested his back against one of the shelves. His heart beat wildly against his chest and tears formed in his eyes. _I'm overreacting….I'm overreacting...I..I need to go home…_

Next week Rocko stayed home with Spunky instead of going over to the Bighead's place.

He threw a ball. "Fetch Spunky!"

Spunky wagged his tail and barked in excitement before chasing after the ball. He came back with a salmon instead.

Rocko frowned. "Mr Bighead isn't going to be happy about this…"

Spunky barked and started eating it.

Rocko sighed and peered through his window to next door. He could see The Bigheads, Filburt, and Heffer laughing loudly at the TV.

Rocko went back to the couch and kicked his feet back and forth idly. _I'll be okay...I'll be okay…._

* * *

The next few weeks Rocko had been skipping out on the new episode premieres. This week he decided to take Spunky for a walk in the park.

Spunky barked happily as he rolled around in the grass and ran everywhere. Rocko had a loose grip on his lease to let him have as much range as possible without losing him.

The fresh air was relaxing to Rocko. Going on walks was something else he did in Australia when dealing with Dingo. That's when he caught sight of the beaver girl again, playing in the sandbox.

She picked up her plastic shovel and dug it into the sand. She flung sand to the side and picked up the wet, cool sand underneath. Then she held it in her hands and dropped it again, giggling.

Rocko walked past when he saw a group of kids walk up to her, a different group than the one at the grocery store.

"Ello Bethany!" One of them laughed.

"Hey there mate!" Another one teased.

Rocko had dual emotions. One was anxiety and the other was protectiveness for the little girl. _I won't let them bully her like Dingo bullied me!_

He snapped. "Hey! Leave her alone!"

The kids looked over at Rocko, anxious by his yelling and Spunky's snarling. Rocko paused. _I can't do this, I'm older than them. I'd be just as bad as Dingo!_

"I..I'm sorry." Rocko said anxiously. "I didn't mean to frighten you, I..I just..I...You shouldn't be picking on her."

The kids blinked and stared at each other in silence for a moment before turning back to Rocko. In unison they shouted, "Ello mate!"

Rocko felt his heart pound. He turned to Bethany "Are...Are any of your mums here?"

Bethany sniffled and pointed to a bench nearby. Rocko grabbed her hand gently and lead her over to them..

The hedgehog was sitting on the bench, listening to a tape player.

"Uh..excuse me?" Rocko cleared his throat.

The hedgehog took off her headphones. "Yes?"

"M..mommy!" Bethany whined. This was the first time Rocko had heard her talk. She had a slight southern accent similar to her hedgehog mother's.

"Are you okay sweetheart?" She frowned.

"N..no." She whimpered.

"Actually she's getting bullied." Rocko added.

"Oh dear." The hedgehog sighed. "It's still happening…"

Rocko frowned more. "O..oh."

Bethany sniffled as she sat next to her. She hugged onto her mom who snuggled her close.

"What's your name?" The hedgehog asked.

"Rocko."

"I'm Trudy and this is my daughter Bethany."

"Th...thank you" Bethany sniffled, looking at Rocko.

"They shouldn't hurt you like that." Rocko said. He sat beside her on the bench, joined by Spunky.

A bunch of birds flocked in front of them in a group. Rocko smiled and Spunky barked in tried to chase after the birds, but Rocko pulled back on his lease slightly to stop him.

Bethany giggled as she watched the birds. "Oooo birds! Birds!" She giggled as she flapped her arms up and down. Bethany turned to Rocko. "I love birds! I know _all_ about them!"

"Oh really?" Rocko asked, sounding interested _._ "Why don't you tell me about them?"

Bethany looked even more excited as she flapped her arms even more. "Okay!" She info dumped facts about birds to Rocko, getting even more cheerful as she did. Bethany started tapping her tail against the wood of the bench as she continued, before pointing to the sky at another flock of birds.

"I bet they got a great view of the park from up there." Rocko said.

"Yeah!" Bethany laughed, tapping her tail more. "I wish I could see what birds see!"

Rocko smiled gently.

"Thank you." Her mother said. "You've cheered my daughter up."

"You're welcome." Rocko said, smiling widely.

Spunky barked excitedly. He climbed over Rocko's lap and licked her cheek. Bethany giggled and patted his head a few times. "Good puppy!"

"Oh you have a dog?" Trudy asked.

"Yes, his name's Spunky."

"Hi Spunky!" Bethany giggled, pulling him into a hug. Spunky barked excitedly and nuzzled her gently.

Rocko smiled. _I'm glad she's feeling better...I hope she's okay though..._

* * *

Rocko was planning on staying home again like the last few weeks. He settled on the couch with Spunky and decided to channel surf until Filburt and Heffer could hang out with him. To his surprise there was a knock on the door.

"Uh..c..come in?" Rocko said. _Who could that be? Wait...is it? No no no no no…._

The door opened.

"D..Dingo..." Rocko whimpered, curling into a protective ball.

"Dingo? Rocko, what are you talking about?"

"R..Ralph?" Rocko asked, looking up. The cartoonist stood in the doorway, puzzled.

"Yeah...it's me. You feeling all right?" She asked less out of worry than confusion.

"I..I uh...n..never better.." Rocko laughed anxiously.

Rachel raised her brow a bit. "Uh huh…"

Rocko continued his anxious giggling.

"Anyway…" Rachel continued. "Did you want to come over to my parents' place to watch the new episode?"

"N..new episode of uh..of what?"

Rachel stared at him blankly.

"Oh right...uh..n..no I'm gonna watch it here.." Rocko lied.

Rachel looked over at the TV. "It's not even on the right channel." She grabbed the remote and changed the channel. "There."

"Wait!" He tried in vain to stop her.

 _The Fatheads_ intro started and Rocko instantly became tense. His palms sweat and his eyes widened. "N..n..n..no!"

"Rocko?" Rachel asked, sounding worried.

Then Rollo showed up. Rocko went non verbal and hugged his knees as he laid on the couch. Tears filled his eyes as he started breathing heavily.

Rachel sat beside him and frowned more. "Rocko? Are you okay?"

Rocko whimpered and pointed at the beaver on the screen who was bashing his head against a wooden kitchen table.

"Rollo?" Rachel asked, confused.

Rocko whined and squeezed his teary eyes shut tighter. He clenched his fists and pounded his tail against the couch. Spunky licked his cheek and nuzzled his face, whimpering in sympathy.

Rachel looked from the screen to Rocko and her heart sank. _Oh God I did this didn't I? Oh God...Oh God…_

Rachel patted Rocko's back gently. "Shh everything will be okay…"

Rocko sniffled as he looked up, his eyes wide and damp. "R...Rollo really h..hurts my feelings."

Rachel's stomach churned. "He..he does?"

Rocko sniffled and nodded. "And...and I..I met a little girl...a little beaver who...who gets bullied because of Rollo."

Rachel's eyes widened. "Wh..what?"

"It's true." Rocko sniffled as he sat up. "A group of kids were bullying her last week in the park."

"I…" Rachel looked away, not sure how to finish.

Rocko exhaled sharply.

"I...I...I.." Rachel sighed. "I'm sorry."

Rocko looked at her.

"I didn't know Rollo triggered you." She continued.

Rocko sniffled. "You...you didn't?"

"No." Rachel frowned. "Why would I do that on purpose?"

"I...I thought you didn't like me." Rocko explained.

Rachel stared at him. "Rocko...You helped me reunite with my parents…"

Rocko looked at her again.

"Th..thank you…"

Rocko relaxed a bit. "Y..you're welcome."

Rachel stood there awkwardly, not sure what else to say. Rocko sat there silently too, holding Spunky close to his chest. "I uh...I have to head back to my parent's place...I'll...see you later?"

"Right...Later." Rocko said, trying to ignore the bile that had just built up in his throat.

* * *

Rachel sighed as she settled into the bed in her old room. She stared at the ceiling in the dark room and tried to force herself to daydream about anything else, but Rollo kept entering her head again.

To distract herself, Rachel pulled out the bulky business laptop the executives insisted she get to keep in touch with her easily. _Ugh I hate this thing it's so big...I doubt they'll ever catch on outside of the corporate rat race…._

As she waited for her computer to boot up she went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Rachel got a cup and turned on the tap. _Should I get rid of Rollo? Rocko seemed pretty upset with him, but….why? It's not supposed to...and I like writing Rollo….I don't wanna stop..._ _Ugh! Why does Rollo offend him anyway, it's just a joke! It's not like I made Rollo in spite! It's like a...a tribute! Yeah! A tribute!_

Rachel felt cold water on the back of her hand and quickly snapped back to reality. The cup was overflowing. Rachel turned off the tap, took a sip so the cup was even, and went back to her room. She set her cup on the nightstand and launched the email client.

As it loaded she zoned out again. _Then again...The Fatheads weren't really a loving tribute to mom and dad...Maybe he thought it was the same thing? Ugh! Maybe if I get rid of Rollo, he'll calm down. But I enjoy writing him, surely he'd understand that...right?_

She took a sip of water and looked at his emails. There was one unread email from the executives:

_**EXTEND YOUR STAY!** _

Rachel nearly choked on her water. _What? But I'm supposed to head back tomorrow!_

She opened it:

_Dear Ralph Bighead,_

_Good news! We have booked a signing at the O-Town Mall for you tomorrow morning at eight! No need to thank us._

_**Wasn't planning on it** _

_Just don't be late!_

Rachel sighed as she turned off the computer. There would be no arguing with the executive, and even if there was it's not like he'd check his email so late.

_Well I guess I'll think about what to do about Rollo some other time..Rocko can just deal with it for now…_

* * *

Rachel groaned as her alarm clock beeped loudly. Her finger hovered over the _snooze_ button for a moment before stopping. _Oh right...That signing…._

Rachel yawned and stretched before heading to the shower.

"Good morning sweetheart!" Bev greeted cheerfully, pulling her daughter into a hug.

"Hi mom." Rachel said, smiling a bit.

"You're up early." She noticed.

"Yeah, they want me to do some kind of signing thing at the mall." Rachel yawned. "Is it fine if I stay another night?"

"Of course dear, stay as long as you like!" Bev tightened her hug. "Do you want any breakfast dear?"

"Nah, I'll get something on the way there…"

"I'm so proud of you Ralphy!" Bev cooed, kissing her on the head. "I love you!"

"I love you too mom." Rachel said, snuggling close to her. Bev's hugs were one of the things she missed the most.

Rachel showered and ended up leaving at the same time as Ed.

"You need a ride...son?" Ed was forcing a smile on his face trying to be as accepting and fatherly as possible. Rachel knew he was trying hard to make up for the years of isolation and usually complied with his suggestions so he'd feel like a good father.

"Sure dad." Rachel said. They headed to the car and got into the passenger side. _Well I guess I won't be going to Chokey Chicken for their pancake battered chicken then...I guess I can get something from the food court or something._

The ride was silent for a while as Rachel looked out the window. _It's weird seeing this place again...It's been so long…'_

"So uh…"

Rachel looked over. Her dad was trying awkwardly to think of what to say next.

"Yeah dad?" Rachel said, trying to push the conversation forward.

"I'm uh….Well I uh…"

"Dad?" Rachel sounded a bit worried now.

"Well uh I...I'm heading to the office and well you...you're..well uh…"

Rachel froze. _Is he still upset about Conglom-o? Ugh! I should have known he couldn't change! That he'd still try to force me into the Capitalist hellhole! I should have drove here myself, there's no way I'm riding back…"home" with him!_

Rachel gritted her teeth slightly. "And?" She challenged.

"I..I'm..I'm just so proud of you!" He cried.

She was surprised. "Th..thanks dad…."

Ed dropped Rachel off at the mall and she exhaled, partially in relief, and partially due to her depression.

She headed to the food court and looked for any place that was open. _Guess I'm here too early. I'll have to sneak back here when there's downtime and eat quick._ That's when she spotted on open place _Stuff ona Stick._

 _Well...I guess that'll do..._ She went over. "Hello."

"Ralph?"

She look up. "Oh it's you...uh…"

"Filburt."

"Filburt, right." _Ugh he probably thinks I'm just a bigshot who forgets everyone's names now! I'm not full of myself!...Am I?_ She looked back up from the floor and smiled awkwardly. "I uh...Can I get a uh…..a breakfast stick?"

"Oh sure!" Filburt said excitedly. He started getting a stick ready.

_I guess maybe he doesn't? I sure hope not…_

She watched as Filburt got the stick ready. He swirled the stick in pancake batter and fried it. They both stood there in an awkward silence for a few minutes while it cooked.

Rachel zoned out. _Well after this I can hopefully go home and relax….Unless they spring another surprise signing at like Chokey Chicken or something. After I eat I just have to head to...wait….They didn't tell me where I'm supposed to go for the signing! Or when it ends! Ugh! So unprofessional…. I'll have to find a payphone or something…They're just so….so…._

"Here you go!"

Rachel looked up, startled out of her wandering thoughts. "Oh uh thanks." She reached into her pocket and handed Filburt some cash.

She started eating it and headed off to look for a payphone. She saw one and went over. As Rachel dug around her pocket she realized she didn't have any quarters and sighed.

_Great...Maybe I can go into a store and get some change.._

She went to the closest store, an art one. She picked up a sketchbook and some pencils thinking she could sketch in her downtime or if someone wanted to buy a quick sketch commission at the signing. She went to the front and handed over a twenty to the cashier. "Can I uh get my change in quarters?"

"Of course!" The cashier smiled as she handed the coins over. "You want a bag for your stuff?"

"No thanks." Rachel said. She put a few coins in her tip jar before heading out.

She set her stuff down and put in a coin, then punched in the number and waited.

"Hello?" The executive on the other end sighed. "Who is it?"

"It's me, Ralph."

"Oh, yes Ralph? What do you need?" The executive asked, sounding a little bit less annoyed than before.

"You didn't tell me how long I'm supposed to stay here...Hell you didn't even tell me _where_ to go!"

"All right,Calm down jeez…" The executive sneered.

Rachel sighed, annoyed. "Listen...I don't appreciate that this was just thrown on me last minute and..."

"And why not? You should be glad we booked this for you!" The executive huffed

"Yes, but...I wish I had more notice…You're way too controlling of my own damn life!" Rachel nearly screamed.

There was silence on the other end. "H..hello?"

"Eight to six pm, the first room in the main hall." The executive said flatly before hanging up.

Rachel groaned. _Great just what I need..an executive mad at me! Ugh!_

She put in another quarter and called her dad's office to tell him when to pick her up.

Rachel checked one of the large clocks hanging overhead. _7:45..I've got some time then. I might as well sit down and finish this._ She looked at her breakfast stick and sat down.

As she finished eating, she opened her new sketchbook, grabbed a pencil and started doodling. She looked up for inspiration and sighed slightly. Rachel saw a dog, a hedgehog, and a young beaver on crutches near the bathrooms. The dog signed to the beaver and repeated the sign in the palm of the hedgehog. The hedgehog nodded. The dog went into the bathroom as the hedgehog tapped her cane on the ground, and went with her daughter to the bench Rachel was sitting at. Once seated, the beaver started batting her tail on the bench.

Rachel glanced over at her and noticed a pin on her shirt. _**Cerebral Palsy Visibility Day 1994**_

Rachel focused her attention back to her sketchbook and her doodle as she finished up her breakfast stick.

Rachel noticed the little girl peeking over at her sketches. She didn't mind too much, she'd had a lot of executives do the exact same thing and was used to it at this point.

"I like your bird." she said, pointing to the sketch.

"Oh uh thanks." Rachel said. "Do you want it?"

The beaver hit her tail even harder against the bench as her eyes lit up in excitement. "Thank you!"

Rachel smiled a bit and signed the sketch before tearing it out and handing it over. "Here you go."

"Thank you!" she giggled before looking at the sketch. When she looked closer her tail stopped tapping and a frown formed on her face.

"What?" Rachel asked, sounding concerned.

"You're Ralph Bighead?" When she asked that he noticed the hedgehog's ears twitch and she slightly turned towards them.

Rachel's stomach churned with anxiety. "I uh..y..yeah?"

She looked hurt and started tapping her tail once about every few seconds sadly. "Why did you make Rollo?"

"Wh..what?" Rachel was surprised by her question.

"Why did you create Rollo?" She asked again, this time followed by a small whine.

"She's gotten bullied a lot because of him." The hedgehog said.

Rachel froze. _Is this the little girl Rocko was talking about?_

"I...I'm sorry." Rachel felt like she was going to throw up. "I..I gotta go…"

And she ran off, throwing her stick away in the process, knowing she could never finish it now. She managed to find a place to sit down and catch her breath, trying hard not to vomit.

 _I_ _**have** _ _to get rid of Rollo_

* * *

Rachel was silent most of the ride home.

"So uh...How was the signing son?" Ed asked, trying to end the awkward silence.

Rachel shrugged. "It was fine…"

Ed frowned. "Son...uh...are you okay?"

Rachel exhaled sharply. "I was just thinking about Rollo..I...What do you think of him dad?"

"Rollo? I think he's great!" Ed said, laughing a bit.

"You..you do?"

"Yeah of course! He's a perfect representation of all these filthy foreigners coming into our country!"

Rachel's eyes widened in horror. "Wh...what?"

"All these people coming in here, ruining this country...I HATE IT!" Ed yelled as he gripped the steering wheel tighter.

Rachel's sickness came back as she vomited all over the car floor. Ed panicked and pulled the car over. "Are you okay?"

"N..no.." Rachel shivered. "I..I'm not okay…I..I just want to go home. I feel sick.."

"Get in the back so you don't have to be by your vomit." Ed suggested.

Rachel nodded and crawled into the backseat. She buckled up, rested her head against the window, and closed her eyes, falling asleep.

What felt like only seconds later, Rachel was shaken awake.

"Huh..wh..what?" Rachel asked groggily as she forced her eyes open.

"We're home."

"Oh.." Rachel tried to get out of the car, but she was still fairly shaky. Ed grabbed Rachel's arm and led her into the house. She made it to the living room before collapsing onto the couch.

Bev came in and looked worried. "Ralphy darling, are you okay?" She sat beside her and stroked her back gently.

"I...I feel sick.." She groaned.

"Oh my poor baby!" Bev cooed, pulling her into a tight hug.

Ed joined them on the couch and joined in stroking Rachel's back. "He threw up all over the car."

"Well go get a bucket Ed! He might throw up again!" Bev said, worried.

Ed left and came back with a bucket. He put it in front of Rachel who was coughing, trying not to puke again.

She laid her head on Bev's lap and groaned slightly, the taste of vomit still pooled in her mouth, while Bev and Ed both comforted her the best they could.

 _I_ _**have**_ _to get rid of Rollo…._

* * *

Rachel's stomach still hurt when she returned to Hollo-Wood. She headed straight to the executive's office and went in.

"We need to talk about Rollo!" She said, straight to the point.

The executives looked up, surprised. "Oh hello Ralph! We didn't know you were back. We were actually thinking about Rollo too."

"You were?" Rachel was anxious now.

"We want a full episode about Rollo!" They spoke in an overly happy, creepy unison.

Rachelh's eyes widened. "Wh..what?"

"Imagine the viewership!" One of them said.

"It'll be off the charts!" The other finished.

Rachel shivered harshly. "I...I...I can't…"

"You….can't?" One of them asked, confused.

"N..no..I..I don't want to use Rollo anymore."

The executives went silent and looked at each other blankly. "What did you say?"

"I don't want to use Rollo anymore." She repeated.

They both looked at her blankly before turning angry. "And why not?"

"Well don't you think he's a little..you know...offensive?"

"Being offensive is what sells Ralph, baby! So we need to keep this Rollo train rolling!"

Rachel sighed in defeat. She knew there wasn't going to be an easy way out of this.

* * *

Despite his better judgement, Rocko decided to watch the new episode, albeit at home with Spunky rather than at The Bighead's place.

Bethany sat anxiously on her couch, thumping her tail against the cushion.

"Well Spunky." He sighed. "I guess we'll just have to see if anything's changed huh?"

 _I hope Rollo doesn't show up…_ Bethany tapped her tail more.

Spunky let out a reassuring bark and licked Rocko's cheek gently. Rocko watched as the intro started.

Bethany curled up onto the couch as the intro played.

_**Now it's time for Meet The Fatheads featuring...Rollo The Beaver!** _

Rocko froze as he gripped the side of the couch tightly as he stared at the TV, wide eyed.

Bethany whined loudly as she tapped her tail even harder against the couch.

Rocko grabbed onto Spunky tightly and cried into him. Spunky whined and licked his cheek in comfort.

Bethany whimpered as her tail hit the couch even harder.

Rocko turned off the TV and curled into a ball.

Bethany watched it all the way through.

* * *

Rachel sighed as she pulled into her parent's driveway. She sat inside her car and exhaled deeply. She looked over at Rocko's house and sighed. _He was right...I shouldn't have questioned it...I need to talk to him...I..._

"Ralphy!"

Rachel looked over to see Bev rushing outside. She smiled widely as she stood beside the car door.

"Hi mom." Rachel said, giving a small wave as she got out of the car.

"I'm so glad you're here darling!" Bev said, pulling her into a tight hug.

Rachel hugged back and smiled, feeling genuianly comfortable. "Thanks mom…"

She didn't mind she did this every time she came by, given the years of distance. If anything she missed her mom's hugs more than anything.

The two went inside. Ed was sitting on the couch, staring angrily at the news, but eyes lit up when he saw Rachel. "Son!" he proclaimed, putting his arms out for a hug.

"Hey dad." Rachel said, hugging him.

Ed's hugs weren't as loving and gentle as Bev's. They were tight, firm squeezes…..Rachel missed them too….

She sat down on the couch and idly read the news ticker on the bottom of the screen as Bev leaned over the back of the couch. The small white words became blobs as Rachel got lost in her thoughts. _I need to get rid of Rollo…..I need to talk to Rocko….Now!_ She looked at her parents as she thought of a way to leave poiliety. They looked so happy she was there. They were glad she was back. She was glad she was back too. _Or I could stay for a while….I don't have to do it now, right?_

" _ **...The Hit show Meet The Fatheads….."**_

The news reporter's voice brought Rachel back to reality.

" _ **Rollo has been bringing in great ratings for the prime time cartoon, but is he controversial?"**_

"Controversial? Those damn liberals and treating people fairly…" Ed grumbled.

Rachel anxiously kept her eyes on the screen.

" _ **The United Beaver Front has teamed up with an Immigrant Rights group to protest the show for it's unflattering depiction of both groups with the Rollo character."**_

"Well maybe if you STAY OUT OF _**MY**_ DAMN COUNTRY WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS!" Ed screamed at the TV.

"Ed!" Bev yelled, scowling. "Don't be an ass!"

"Well that's why Ralph created Rollo! To satirize all these people coming in and.."

"No. I. Didn't." Rachel interrupted.

Ed stared at her, wide eyed in surprise. "Wh..what?"

"I didn't create Rollo to perpetuate conservative views!" Rachel snarled. "I made Rollo because I thought he was funny! Now I realize he's not!"

Ed glared her down. "Get out…"

"Ed!" Bev yelled, pissed.

"What!? This liberal,... _cartoonist,_ is NOT my s.."

Bev slapped him across the face. She turned to Rachel. "Are you all right sweetheart?"

Rachel went non verbal.

"What you're not going to answer her!? You can't use Autism as an excuse this time, you...you..."

Bev slapped him again. "Ed! Enough!"

She grabbed Rachel's hand. "Come on sweetie, let's get out of here."

Rachel had a million thoughts going through her head. She forced herself to say something, "Mom? Where are you going to go?"

"Oh, I'll just go to the YWCA till this all boils over." Bev waved it off as if it were no big deal.

Rachel frowned. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I've done it a few times before sweetie."

Rachel's eyes widened. "This happened before!?"

"Your father and I have had a lot of rough patches, sweetheart." Bev explained. "Things will get better, they always do."

Rachel frowned, not convinced by her mother's words."Do...do you want to stay with me?"

Bev smiled widely and pulled her into a tight hug. "Oh Ralphy, I'd love to! Thank you!"

Rachel smiled. "I love you mom."

"I love you too sweetheart."

* * *

Rachel sighed as she went into the studio. _I need to stop this...I'm the only one who can…But they won't listen! No one will listen!_

She headed to the bathroom and locked one of the stalls. She sat on the ground, leaning her back against the wall. She looked at the scars on her wrist, although long healed from the post Conglom-O incident that caused it, they were still visible upon closer inspection.

She started picking at the scabbed skin, tempted to reopen the wounds. She reached into her pocket, looking for anything remotely sharp. She found a pen and clicked it open.

She put the pen tip on her arm and stroked it back and forth harshly. She winced a bit as it nicked the skin. A line of blood trickled out of the abrasion.

_Oh God this stings!_

Rachel grabbed a piece of toilet paper and pressed it against the blood. The blood stained through it. _Fuck, fuck, fuck…._

She stumbled out of the stall holding the bloodied toilet paper. _Maybe if I get a paper towel I could just..._

That's when an executive came in.

* * *

Bev held Rachel's hand tightly as they approached the psychiatric hospital.

"Are you sure about this sweetheart?" Bev asked, holding her hand tighter.

"Yes mom…" Rachel said, hugging her and nuzzling into her side.

They went inside and got checked in, and Rachel was led to her room, her mom by her side the whole time.

Rachel sat on one of the two beds in the room, setting her bag beside her.

Bev gave her a gentle smile. And stroked her back reassuringly. "I love you sweetheart."

"I love you too mom." Rachel said, hugging onto her. She opened the bag and started to unpack with help from Bev. A yellow piece of plastic with the word _Sports_ written in light orange caught Rachel's eyes. Knowing right away what it was, she pulled it out.

Rachel held her Walkman, a cassette of _In Utero_ still inside. She slipped the headphones on and pressed play.

_Meat-eating orchids forgive no one just yet  
Cut myself on angel hair and baby's breath  
Broken hymen of your Highness, I'm left back  
Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back_

Rachel closed her eyes and relaxed as the music played, not even bothering to start the song over again. She forgot her mom was even there for a moment, until she started stroking her hair gently. Rachel opened her eyes slowly and saw her smiling down at her.

Rachel sat up and hugged her again. "I love you mom."

"Oh, I love you too sweetheart!" She said, kissing her cheek. "Will you be okay I leave now hun?"

"Yeah…" She said, hugging a bit more.

"Goodbye honey, I love you."

"I love you too mom."

Bev left, and Rachel was alone. She put on her headphones again.

_My favorite inside source  
I'll kiss your open sores  
Appreciate your concern  
You're gonna stink and burn_

Rachel's eyes darted to the other side of the room. _I wonder what my roommate's like…._

On the wall was a poster of a white poodle in a red skirt and bright colored shirt, doing a dance move in front of a building with the name of it airbrushed out. The floofy top of her hair and the tip of her tail were dyed bright orange. Across it in light yellow cursive was _She's So Unusual._

Rachel could see slight tears and wrinkles on the poster, no doubt from being taken down and hung up multiple times.

Her eyes wandered to the bed. There was a Discman with masking tape, the name **Kassidy** scribbled on it.

_That's pretty cool. I don't think I've ever seen a compact disc before…_

" _Cause I'm crawling back, I'm searchin' the right track. I'm standin' at last I'm sure. I don't want to be, I don't want to be, a witness."_

Rachel heard a feminine singing voice getting closer.

_That must be Kassidy._

In came a purple raccoon, in a short white summer dress.

" _Jailbird chained to walk. You used to talk, talk, talk…"_ She stopped singing when she saw Rachel. It took a moment but she smiled widely and spoke. "Hi, I'm Kassidy!"

"I'm …." She paused for a moment. "Rachel."

"Hi Rachel!" She smiled and headed to her bed and plopped down on it. She grabbed her Discman and started tracing the front of it. New scars were lined on her arms, some still red, some bright pink.

"Mind if I play some music?" She asked, pointing to the speakers sitting on a nearby table.

"Sure go ahead." Rachel said. She tapped the side of her bulky headphones. "I'm going to listen to mine."

Kassidy hooked up her Discman to the speakers.

_**Weeeeeelll I see them every night in tight blue jeans, in the pages of a blue boy magazine. Hey I've been thinking of a new sensation, I'm picking up good vibration. Oh! She bop, She bop!** _

Curious, Rachel slipped off her headphones to take a listen. _Sounds about the same as a cassette….This song isn't too bad. It's been about a decade since I've heard it….Wait…..Is this song about masturbation?_

_**Hey, they say that a stitch in time saves nine. They say I better stop or I'll go blind.** _

_Yep. It is._

Kassidy was happily lip syncing with the song. She saw Rachel looking at her and stopped to make conversation. "I love Cyndi Lauper! What are you listening to?"

"Nirvana."

"Oh, I've heard of Nirvana but I've never actually _listened_ to them. You know?" She said.

Rachel nodded. "Yeah, I get what you mean." She took off his headphones. "You like 80s music more I'm assuming."

"Yeah it...it's comforting to me." She said, rubbing one of the scars on her arm. She looked away and curled her tail into a ball.

They sat there in silence for a moment

"Uh...The lead singer was a feminist like Lauper is."

Kassidy's eyes lit up again. "Really? That's so cool!" She rapidly curled and uncurled her tail. "I really need to check them out now!"

"...I'm starting to really like this Lauper girl." Rachel said. "I haven't heard her since I was in my...20s? I think…"

"I was a little girl when I first listened to her." Kassidy said. " _Girls Just Wanna Have Fun_ is probably what made me a feminist." She let out a small giggle.

Rachel leaned on his bed, starting to get comfortable. "My mom is why I'm one. She doesn't take anything from my dad."

The song slowly faded into the next track.

_**We have no past, we won't reach back. Keep me forward all through the night. And once we start the meter clicks.** _

Rachel dug into her pack and dug out her sketchbook and a pencil, then started sketching some character designs.

She drew a young beaver. She had a big friendly smile, wide curious eyes and...crutches. Rachel groaned and started erasing the drawing angrily.

Kassidy looked at her. "Are you okay Rachel?"

"I….Not really...I don't want to get into it though." She said.

"I understand that." Kassidy traced her scars lightly with her fingertips.

Rachel started sketching again, hoping to distract herself.

* * *

Rachel assumed the treatment center was rarely, if not ever, asked if it was all right to connect a laptop to the front desk's modem.

As two of the doctors went into another room to talk it over, Rachel sat on the chair, stimming by tapping the top of her closed laptop.

A few minutes later one of the doctors came back.

"Good news!" She said, smiling gently. "We talked it over and decided it could be a good form of therapy for you. So we're willing to accumulate time for you to use your laptop for therapeutic purposes."

Rachel smiled. "Thank you."

Rachel got set up and started her email client, wondering if the executives emailed her. There wasn't anything new so she decided to surf the web, making her way to a webpage directory. _It's gotta be on here somewhere…._

**Conglom-O**

_There it is!_

Rachell clicked on the link and was taken to their gif laden website.

 **Conglom-O** _**We Own You** _

Rachel rolled her eyes and scrolled through the website, looking for their contact link. She scrolled to the bottom of the page and found the contact form.

_Lets see here….._

**Name**

_**Ralph Bighead** _

**Email**

_**RalphB BStudios** _

**Message**

_**Hey, it's me Ralph Bighead. I'm Ed Bighead's son. Tell him I want to talk to him when I'm out of the clinic.** _

Rachel was about hit send but stopped herself. _Forget it, he won't care._ She closed the laptop and headed back to her room.

* * *

Kassidy was curled on the bed, sleeping peacefully while listening to her Discman.

Rachel however, couldn't sleep, no matter how much _Nirvana_ she listened to. She looked at the window, the stars were sparkling brightly as the moon led them in dance.

She sighed as she got out of bed and approached the window, opening it.

An owl was perched in a tree looking around, twitching her head from side to side, looking for prey.

Rachel grabbed her sketchbook and sketched her. It was hard to do at first, as she kept moving around,-and realism wasn't really her forte- but eventually Rachel got it down.

_That beaver girl would love this!_

Rachel's stomach churned. _Her name was Bethany right?_

She looked over at Kassidy. She was smiling in her sleep as her tail curled and uncurled unconsciously. Rachel sat back on the bed. She reached for her sketchbook and turned to the partially erased picture of Bethany, before picking up her pencil and finishing it. _I'll get rid of Rollo….I'll do it for Rocko and I'll do it for her..._

* * *

"Bye Rachel!" Kassidy said, pulling her into a tight hug. "You'll keep in touch right?"

"Of course I will." Rachel said, hugging her back. "You're the only person outside of work that I know who actually _has_ a computer."

"I still think they're gonna catch on." Kassidy teased.

"I doubt it." Rachel chuckled. She hugged her one more time before going to the lobby where her mom would be waiting.

Kassidy watched her until she left. When she was out of sight, she popped open the Discman and put in _In Utero._

When Rachel got to the lobby she froze. There stood her mom and Ed.

"Ralphy!" Bev said, running over and pulling her into a tight hug. "How are you?"

"I..I…" Rachel tried to reply, but her eyes wandered back over to Ed. "What's _he_ doing here?"

"Ralph…" Bev frowned

She pulled away. "Did you make up again?"

"N..no...But we're talking things out Ralphy, we.."

Rachel groaned. "Mom, he's just...an asshole!"

"Hey! I'm right here!" Ed snarled.

Rachel stomped over to him. "Well, then I'll say it to your face….You're an asshole!"

Ed looked pissed. "Listen here you little.."

"No! I'm not listening to you! Why should I!? Rachel yelled. "You're a terrible father! You tried to force me into a career I didn't want, and you didn't accept me as an artist! You're not even trying to accept me now! I thought you'd be able to put the past behind you, but apparently not!"

Ed froze.

"Ralph...I...I'm sorry." Ed said. "I want to be a better father. Please forgive me...please give me another chance…"

Rachel glared. "I don't forgive you."

Ed looked shattered.

"...But I will give you another chance….But you really have to prove you've changed, and if you haven't….." Rachel looked away.

Ed smiled as his eyes teared up. "My son!" He tried to hug her, but Rachel pulled away.

"Don't touch me…"

Ed pulled back "R..right...I..I'm sorry…"

* * *

The ride back home was long and quiet. Rachel stared out the window the whole time, trying to calm her nerves the best she could. She wanted to forget everything: Rollo, Rocko, Bethany, her dad….but she couldn't. The thoughts kept swirling in her head like a whirlpool.

She still felt sick.

"So Ralphy, how was it?" Bev asked, desperate to break the silence.

Rachel stared at her for a moment silently before speaking. "...How do you _think_ it was?"

Bev frowned. "I..I'm sorry Ralphy I..I just...I..I..I didn't mean to..to….I'm sorry."

Rachel felt terrible. "N..no it's okay mom I'm just a little stressed out right now…"

"It's all right dear I understand."

Rachel sighed as she looked out the window again.

When they got to the Bighead's house, Rachel went to her old room and locked the door. She laid on his back on her bed and groaned as she looked at cracks in the ceiling. _I need to do something about Rollo…_

* * *

Rachel walked into the studio, gripping a cup of coffee tightly in her hand, dark circles under her eyes. She headed to the office and slammed open the door, spilling a bit of coffee and alerting the execs.

"We're getting rid of Rollo!"

To Rachel's surprise this wasn't the first thing they reacted to.

"Ralph you're back!" One of them said excitedly.

"How are you feeling?" The other one asked.

Rachel blinked. "Uh...I'm fine…But we can talk about this later. We need to talk about Rollo."

"Even though there's been a gap of episodes due to your needed mental health treatment, but we still think Rollo will bring in the ratings!"

"No! I don't want to use Rollo anymore! He's not funny! He's offensive!" Rachel stomped her foot.

The execs looked at each other silently and back to Rachel. "So? I thought we already went over this. Offensive sells, Ralph!"

"But it hurts people!"

"So?"

Rachel groaned as she pulled her hair. "You know what? I'm not even going to discuss this with you anymore! I'm not doing anything with him anymore." She stormed out of the room.

 _I can't do this...I can't do this….I_ _ **can't**_ _do this…_

* * *

Rachel was restless the nights before the screening of the new episode. She hadn't added Rollo, nor was she intending to.

She stared at the ceiling and exhaled sharply. She looked across the room expecting to see another bed there. _I wish Kassidy was here...I could talk this over with her…._

Rachel walked over to the window and leaned against the sill. The moon shined brightly in the sky along with the stars. _The moon doesn't have problems...It just floats there in the sky...I envy it….Wow…. I really need to sleep don't I?….._

* * *

Rachel anxiously sat in her seat before the screening of the new episode. executives sat in the seats beside her.

The projector turned on as the episode started. The Fatheads were standing in their living room arguing loudly with each other, like usual.

" _Are you listening to me!?" Mrs Fathead yelled._

" _No!" Mr Fathead yelled back._

" _Are you listening to me!" Mrs Fathead yelled again._

" _No!"_

Rachel gripped the sidearms of her chair, avoiding eye contact with the executives. When the episode ended there was silence for a moment.

"Where's Rollo?" One of them finally asked.

"R..Rollo?" Rachel gulped. "Wh..what do you mean?"

"Where's Rollo?" He repeated.

"I uh well I uh..you...you see I've lost my uh..muse..for writing him." She tried to explain.

"Lost your muse?" One of them asked.

"Y..yeah."

"We don't care about your muse! We just care about ratings and money!" He leaned in close to Rachel's face. "You better write him in before the episode airs…Got it?"

Rachel gulped. "Y..yes sir…."

_How am I going to get rid of him now?_

* * *

When Rachel pulled into work the next day she noticed a crowd surrounding the studio.

"What the.."

She got out of the car and got a closer look at the crowd..

"Get rid of Rollo! Get rid of Rollo! Get rid of Rollo! Get rid of Rollo! Get rid of Rollo!" They shouted in unison.

_Oh! They're protesters...that's it! I know how to get rid of Rollo!_

Rachel went over to the crowd and tried to squeeze her way in inconspicuously . Although nervous at first, Rachel found her voice and shouted along with them, "Get rid of Rollo! Get rid of Rollo! Get rid of Rollo!" Her voice became one with everyone else's.

"Ralph?" A small voice asked.

Rachel looked over to see Bethany and her moms.

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

"I uh… uh...uh.." Rachel panicked.

The shouting died down as the crowd noticed Rachel was there. They all glared her down,nearly ready to pounce her

"Because … because I…. I realized I was wrong!" Rachel yelled.

Everyone softened and gave her a chance to speak.

"I...I'm sorry...I didn't realize that Rollo was so hurtful…" Rachel said. "I thought he was funny...but I was wrong...and I want to get rid of him, I want this to stop!"

"Then why don't you just stop writing him?" Someone asked.

"Yeah, why don't you just stop?" Someone else challenged.

The crowd started up again, ready to go after her again.

Rachel sighed. "I tried but the network has been on my as.." She gaze went to Bethany for a moment "...err..butt, about adding more Rollo."

"But you created the show!" Someone else said.

"That doesn't mean they give me full creative freedom." Rachel tried to explain. "They make changes based on what _they_ want and what makes _them_ money! They don't care about my artistic expression!"

She stood in front of the crowd. "They don't care if Rollo is offensive, they only care about what keeps the money coming in! We have to show them we don't stand for this!"

The others cheered and stood by her side as they continued their chant."Get rid of Rollo! Get rid of Rollo! Get rid of Rollo! Get rid of Rollo! Get rid of Rollo! Get rid of Rollo! Get rid of Rollo!"

Eventually a security guard came out of the front gate, huffing as he glared the crowd down. "All right, break it up you meances! You're trespassing on private property!"

"Actually." Rachel spoke up. "I gave them permission to be here."

"Ralph?" The security guard asked in shock. "Wh...what are you doing here!?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" She challenged.

"But...but…." His eyes widened in confusion.

"Hey, if you wanna do something productive, why don't you bring the executives out here?" She said with a small smirk.

The security guard slunk back into the building as the crowd kept going, "Get rid of Rollo! Get rid of Rollo! Get rid of Rollo! Get rid of Rollo! Get rid of Rollo! Get rid of Rollo!"

A few moments later the executives came out and stood in front of the group of protestors. "All right, what's going on here!? Where's Ralph!?"

"I'm right here." Rachel said, stomping towards them.

"Is this crowd bothering you?" One of them asked, putting his hand on her shoulder. "We know you're not in the best place and mentally and this must not be helping at all."

Rachel slapped his hand. "Don't act like you care about my mental health! If you did, you would've let me get rid of Rollo!"

"What are you talking about!? Rollo is doing amazing for us Ralphy baby!"

"Does it look like it's doing amazing for them!?" Rachel asked, gesturing towards the crowd.

The two executives blinked as they looked onwards towards the angry crowd. They both mumbled to each other before pulling back.

"All right, all right!" One of the executives yelled, bringing them all to a silence. "We'll listen to your demands!"

The crowd cheered, until one of the executives put up their hand. "But only because of the possible net losses we would occur if we did not agree to your terms."

The crowd mumbled to each other in uncertainty,

"That's our final offer. Are you gonna take it or leave it!?"

The group uttered a few unsure "Yeahs" before dispersing.

Rachel rolled her eyes in annoyance. _Oh corporate America, you never change do you?_

Her eyes wandered over to Bethany and her moms as they were heading off.

"Hey wait!" Rachel said, catching up to them.

Bethany looked at her with big, curious eyes. "Yes?"

"I have something for you." She pulled out the drawing of the owl she did in mental care and handed it to Bethany.

Her eyes lit up and she hugged Rachel tightly. "Thank you so much! I love owls! They're so round and fluffy! Did you know they can turn their heads two hundred seventy degrees" She pulled back and excitedly flapped her arms.

"No, I didn't know that, that's really cool." Rachel smiled. "I'm glad you like it."

"And uh...Thanks for helping get rid of Rollo."

"No problem kid." Rachel said with a gentle smile.

* * *

"Ralph?" Rocko asked in surprise after answering the door.

"Hey Rocko…" She said awkwardly, scratching the back of her head and avoiding eye contact. "I uh...I wanted to apologize."

"Apologize?" Rocko asked, tilting his head slightly.

"You know, for...Rollo…" She said awkwardly.

"Oh…" Rocko said, now a bit uneasy himself. "It's...it's okay…"

"No, it's not." Rachel said, pulling Rocko into a hug. "Thank you for everything Rocko…"

Rocko smiled gently. "Aw, you're welcome! I'm just glad you guys are getting along again."

Rachel pulled back, her thoughts going back to her dad. "Yeah...for the most part…"

She showed one of her trademark smirks before turning away from the door. "I'll see ya around, Rocko."


	2. Chapter 2

**Between Supposed Lovers**

Trigger Warning: Accidental misgendering,In the closet Trans character

**1995**

“Hey Rocko?” 

“Yes, Heffer?” Rocko asked, looking up from the TV.

“How do you spell dear?” Heffer asked.

“Which one?” 

“What do you mean which one?”

“I mean which dear?” Rocko tried to clarify.

Heffer blinked. “The dear one.”

Rocko groaned a bit. “Yes, but  _ which one _ ?”

“You know, DEAR!” Heffer said, starting to get annoyed.

“Heffer! You need to tell me what you mean by dear!”

“Geez Rocko, calm down!” Heffer said. “If you didn’t wanna help me, you could’ve just said so.”

Rocko pulled on his ears and gritted his teeth. “Heffer! I  _ do _ want to help! What are you writing!?”

“I’m writing a letter to Claudette!” Heffer said in a lovey dovey tone.

“Oh! Okay!” Rocko said. “Then it’s D E A R.”

“Thanks Rocko!” Heffer said, putting his focus back on the letter, his tongue sticking out in concentration. “ _ And then I saw this really cool dear at the park!” _

Rocko’s eyes widened slightly. “Uh, Heff....”

Heffer put the letter in the envelope and sloppily licked it shut. “I’m gonna mail it right now!”

“But...but Heff…” Rocko tried to stop him as he headed towards the door.

“Relax Rocko, I’ll be right back!” Heffer said, before slamming the door closed. 

Rocko sighed in defeat as he sunk back into the couch.

As Heffer headed towards the mailbox he saw Rachel pull up into The Bighead’s driveway. “Hey Ralph!”

“Hey Heffer.” She said, getting out of the car. “What’cha got there?”

“A letter for Claudette!” He sighed happily, hearts fluttering all around him.

“Oh? Who’s Claudette?” Rachel asked, suddenly interested.

“My girlfriend.” Heffer explained. “She lives in Paris.”

He shoved the envelope in Rachel’s face:

**CLAUDETTE**

**PARIS**

  
  


“Uh huh…”Rachel said as she looked the envelope over and handed it back to him. “Good luck with mailing this.”

“Gee thanks Ralph!” Heffer said cheerfully.

Rachel rolled her eyes. “Yeah...you’re welcome.”

Heffer opened Rocko’s mailbox and shoved the envelope in. “See ya around Ralph!”

“Yeah, see ya.” Rachel said.  _ Reminds me...I haven’t really talked to Kassidy in a while...I should check in on her.  _

Rachel opened her car again and grabbed her laptop before heading inside. “Mom? Dad?”

“Ralphy darling!” Bev said excitedly, pulling her into a tight hug. “How are you?”

“I’m good,mom.” She said. “Where’s dad?”

“Oh, he’s out doing business stuff sweetheart.” She said. “He’ll be back later. Just make yourself at home.”

Rachel nodded and sat on the couch, opening her laptop. She launched her email client and typed in Kassidy’s Email address.

**_Hey Kassidy,_ **

**_Sorry I haven’t emailed you in awhile, I’ve been busy with work and personal stuff. How are you? What have you been up to? I miss you._ **

  
  


**_Rachel Bighead_ **

  
  


She hit send and dozed off on the couch, waking up a while later to the sound of Bev vacuuming. There was a new email pop up and she clicked on it.

  
  
  


**_Heeeeey Rachel!!!_ **

**_Aww, I missed you too!!! It’s okay you didn’t email me sooner, I’ve also been busy!!!! I just got out of the hospital about a week ago and now I’m restocking books at the public library!!! I feel a lot better!! Oh! And I’ve even got a regular therapist!! How are you doing, what are you up too???_ **

  
  


**_-KASSIDY JONES_ **

  
  


Rachel smiled slightly and typed her reply:

  
  
  
  


**_I’m glad you’re doing better. I’ve been focusing on my art mainly, and I’ve been doing fine. I’m visiting my parents right now, we’re getting along a lot better now._ **

**_Rachel Bighead_ **

  
  


**_Ooooh Rachel, I’m so happy for you!!!! My therapist said I should do some art too to help manage my feelings!!! So I made one of those webpage thingys and I wanna show it to you!! I did all the coding myself too!!!_ **

**_-KASSIDY JONES_ **

Rachel clicked the link and was taken to a brightly colored website with flashing text and gifs. She had to highlight the text with her cursor to read it:

_ Hello!!! I’m Kassidy and welcome to my home on the web!!! I love love  _ **_LOVE_ ** _ Cyndi Lauper!!! So you’re gonna see a lot of her on this page!! I also really like Nirvana!!! I hope you enjoy my webpage!! _

  
  
  


**_Hey, your website looks great! You really coded it all by yourself? I’m impressed, I don’t think I could do that._ **

**_Rachel Bighead_ **

  
  


**_AWW, thank you!! Did you see the web counter??? I’ve already got ten views!! I think it’s all the webrings I joined!! My therapist said coding’s also a good activity to keep me busy!! I’m getting a lot better at it too!!! I’m glad you like it!! Oh, I almost forgot!!! You should sign the guest book!!_ **

  
  


Rachel relaxed as she kept exchanging emails with Kassidy.  _ I’ve missed talking to you Kassidy… more than I realized…. _

  
  
  
  


Heffer waited excitedly by the window as the mail truck pulled up. Alicia exited the truck and headed to the mailbox.

Heffer rushed outside and stopped her before she could put the letter in.

“Oh! Good morning!” Alicia greeted. 

“Do you have any mail for me? Do ya? Do ya?” Heffer asked, excitedly.

“Hmm….let me see here…” She said, looking through the mail. “Oh, here’s one!”

Alicia handed over an envelope:

**Heffer**

**United States**

  
  


Heffer squealed excitedly as he bounced up and down. He rushed back inside and tore open the letter.

_ Mon Amour Heffer, _

_ You say you saw dears in the park. As in dames? There are many here as well, very belle femme! We must meet up again soon, amoureux. Either France or The United States is fine with me! I just got my visa renewed!  _

__

_ Au revoir! _

_ Claudette _

Heffer’s heart pounded as he held the letter close to his chest. 

“What’cha got there?” Cindy asked, only vaguely interested,

“I got a letter from Claudette!” He said, excitedly.

“Didn’t dad tell you to stop mailing her?” She asked, taking a sip of soda.

Heffer thought for a moment. “Hmm…...I don’t think so…”

Cindy groaned as she put her face against her hand. “Yes...he did...He said you’re just wasting your time mailing a girl in another country, when there’s hundreds of thousands of girls in this country you can date instead.”

“Ah, what does he know?” Heffer said, brushing her off.

“Listen. I don’t care personally, but you should be careful so dad doesn’t find out.” She said 

“I don’t care what dad thinks about me and Claudette.” Heffer huffed. 

“Oh you don’t, do you?” A voice snarled from behind Heffer.

“Dad!” Heffer gasped, turning around to face him.

“I told you not to waste your time on some broad on a different damn continent!” He snapped. 

“But dad…” Heffer tried to protest.

George snatched the letter from Heffer’s hand. “Stop pretending this little French tease is your girlfriend! You only met her once and I’m sure as hell you’ll never even see her again!”

Heffer sniffled as tears welled in his eyes. “D...dad….please…”

“Why? You’re not listening to me!” He snarled.

Cindy frowned, walking over to him and grabbing his shoulders. “Dad...maybe you should sit or something.”

George pushed her off. “After I’m done trying to talk some sense into your brother!”

“This is stupid! Is it even worth fighting about dad!?” She asked in irritation. “Or are you just arguing to argue!?”

“This isn’t about you!” He yelled at her. “Stay out of this!”

“No! I’m sick of this crap!” She yelled. “Every damn day you just start arguments and I don’t wanna hear it anymore!”

George was steamed up at this point and ripped the letter. 

Heffer gasped and grabbed the shreds of paper as they fell to the ground. He sniffled loudly and he pulled the shreds close to his chest. 

George huffed angrily before storming out of the room

Cindy frowned as she watched Heffer sobbing on the floor. She crouched down and put her hand on his back. “Are you like...okay?”

“No!” He sniffed loudly.

“I told you to be careful.” She said, which was met with a harsher cry. “Okay..okay...maybe...that wasn’t the best thing to say, but like….you know dad...you knew he’d be mad.”

“Why...why can’t he just be happy for me?” Heffer asked. 

“He’s like, too old fashioned.” Cindy rolled her eyes. “He doesn’t understand what modern life is like. How do you think Peter and I feel all the time when dad tells us off for the stuff we do?”

Heffer sat up and looked at his sister with tear filled eyes.

“It really sucks.” She sighed. “I didn’t want you caught up in dad’s like, nonsense.”

“What am I going to do?” Heffer sniffled.

She shrugged. “It’s up to you. You don’t  _ have  _ to listen to him, but he  _ will  _ get mad again. But if you do, you’re gonna like, mope about your girlfriend aren’t you?” She got up. “Either way it’s basically a lose - lose situation. You gotta, like, choose what  _ you  _ want.”

She took another sip of soda and left the room.

Heffer sniffled as he looked over the shreds of the letter.

  
  
  
  
  


**_Hey, Kassidy? What are we?_ **

  
  


**_Rachel Bighead_ **

  
  


**_What do you mean??? A cane toad and a raccoon??? Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!_ **

  
  


  * **_KASSIDY JONES_**



  
  


**_I mean, relationship wise._ **

**_Rachel Bighead_ **

  
  


**_We’re best friends, aren’t we????_ **

  * **_KASSIDY JONES_**



  
  
  
  


**_I wasn’t sure because before, like, in the hospital we were pretty close and, you know…_ **

**_Rachel Bighead_ **

She felt nervous typing the reply and even more so hitting send.

**_This is something I’d rather talk about in person_ **

**_-Kassidy Jones_ **

  
  


**_I’m so sorry. God that was so awkward._ **

**_Rachel Bighead_ **

  
  


**_No it’s okay, Rachel. It’s just some things that happened and I’d rather talk to you in person about it. I gotta head off, but we’ll talk later, okay?_ **

**_-Kassidy Jones_ **

  
  


**_Okay_ **

**_Rachel Bighead_ **

Rachel sighed as she closed her laptop and put it to the side.  _ I hope I didn’t make her uncomfortable…  _

Her stomach growled.  _ Maybe eating something will help me feel better. _

  
  


When Rachel entered Chokey Chicken, she saw Heffer sitting beside Rocko, both of them hunched over a piece of paper. :

“Hey guys.” Rachel said, going over. “What are you up to?”

“I’m writing another letter to Claudette!” Heffer said. He handed Rachel the now taped up letter he got earlier.

“...That thing actually got mailed?” Rachel shook her head and sat in the booth across from them. “Do you need help writing?”

“Sure!” Heffer said. 

“Claudette got her visa renewed and she wants to visit.” Rocko explained.

“So, we’re inviting her here!” Heffer said excitedly. 

Rachel smiled gently. “Oh that’s nice. What do you have in the letter so far?”

Heffer held the letter up and cleared his throat:

“Dear Claudette.” Then he put the letter back down.

Rachel blinked. “That’s it?”

Heffer shrugged. “Hey, it’s a start isn’t it?”

Rachel playfully rolled her eyes. “Yeah, it is, but we still have  _ a lot _ to do.”

  
  
  
  


That night Rachel laid in bed looking at her laptop screen.  _ Well, here goes nothing….. _

  
  
  


**_Kassidy,_ **

**_I love you_ **

**_Rachel Bighead_ **

  
  


Rachel re read the email a few times. She sighed and closed her laptop, before snuggling into her blankets and falling asleep.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. UPDATE

I will now only be continuing my story on [Fanfiction.net ](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13545786/1/Californication-The-Assorted-Stories-Of-Rachel-Bighead)Due to[ racist content not being against AO3's Terms of Service ](https://nerdlingwrites.tumblr.com/post/623727055704621056/hey-remember-what-i-said-about-making-changes-to)


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